Caroline Wilson's Diary

Black In America - CNN's Mockery of the Black Community

Don't get me wrong I'm not blind to our issues at all, but how many stories are we going to allow about the negative side of black life.

What was missing from Black In America The positive side of our community. I think the documentary gave creed to what Jim Crow said about us so many years ago, "Dem N(word) is lazy, stupid and inferior just like da Massa said."

Ms. O’Brien stated that 60% of African American fathers are not in the home. My question to her is why didn't she focus on the 40% who are at home? And, of the 60%, how many aren't there due to divorce, but are still active in their children's lives?

Where were the stories of the Fathers:

- Sitting at the dinner table with their families

- Checking his child's homework

- Foregoing the summer vacation for the purpose of scouting colleges (I’m told there was one story)

- Telling his child that we're going to Europe instead of grandma’s this year

- Leading his family in prayer

- Telling his children the truth about their finances. “Son, I’d really like to buy you those Nikes, but right now the mortgage has to be paid and we need groceries.” This father is teaching his child responsibility.

Yes, they showed a successful black Arkansas father, but guess what? One of his sons landed in jail.

We do have these conversations with our children and please believe me when I say that all of our children don't go to jail.

Where were the stories of the Mothers

- Sitting with her daughters and talking about sex and the consequences

- Telling her daughter that she is more than a bitch, whore, skank, skeezer, broad

- Saying "this is an issue that we need to sit down and discuss with your father"

- Telling her husband, "Nikia really has the gift of leadership.  I think we need to nurture that gift."

- Telling her daughter, "Baby, although your skin is darker, you have something to offer that no one can take away."

CNN so sorry to inform you, but we're not savages.  We act and live like civilized families.

Additionally, Ms. O’Brien missed some important issues, but one in particular that has been on my heart for so long. Have you ever noticed that when a white child goes missing, the amount of coverage and time the media allows for the story? Why? Aren't our children just as important?   Larry King doesn't want to hear our stories unless it's sensational.  Does the O.J. Simpson case come to mind?

Furthermore, school shootings. How many times have our stories been featured and Congress wanted to enact legislation on gun control? Not once.  It took Columbine, and the others to make it a National concern.

Finally, Ms. O’Brien forgot, or chose, not to mention that in the white, Asian and Hispanic communities there are the same issues (welfare, lack of education, poverty, absent fathers, teen mothers). Yes, believe it or not, other cultures experience the same thing.

As the Queen of Sheba said to King Solomon, “The half have not been told.”

I’m not anti-any race, but I’m pro-black. I love my people and I want the world to know that there’s more to our story than gangs, violence, welfare, Oprah, Will Smith.

Thanks for letting me vent!

BTW, I'd love to hear from you, but don't quote me any statistics unless you've done your own studies.

...And They're Always Glad You Came

Do you remember the sitcom Cheers?  C'mon, you're not that old!  I know you remember Woody,  Sam, Noooooorrrrrmmmm and mailman, Cliff.  Do you remember the theme song, Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came?

  Well that's what I feel like when I visit the Waffle House on Hard Scrabble Road in Columbia, SC.  South Carolina is where my mother lives and back March-April, I had to stay with her for two weeks.  I've admitted that I'm challenged when it comes to the domesticated side of life so I did what any girl in my position would do.  I found someplace to get breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Breakfast was always at the Waffle House. 

I walked into the Waffle House and was greeted by the friendliest people in the world.  We talked like we were old friends who'd been separated for a spell.  But you know what's funny, I just returned from SC and visited them again.  They remembered me.  Out of the thousands of people who'd probably visited since March-April, they remembered me!  I felt honored.  I felt like I was having breakfast with family.  Again, we laughed and talked like old friends.  But not only did they treat me like family, they treated everyone else  who walked in like kin.

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came.   Visit the Waffle House on Hard Scrabble Road in Columbia, SC.   They are, as my nieces say, the bomb diggity!  I love you guys!!!!!!

Send Her To See Laura Mae

There I was setting up for my book signing.  I hear this soft moan from a child.  Now this kid was no more than 7 or 8 years old.  I thought, "Poor kid didn't get what she wanted." 

Then all hell broke loose. 

The child goes into hysterics and is screaming like a mad woman.  I mean this kid falls on the floor and is screaming to the top of her lungs.  Everyone in the store stops and stares at the scene.  The mother is begging the child and tugging her by the arm.  Well, the child wasn't having it.  She starts kicking harder and screaming louder.  The mother walks away.  She looked completely embarrassed.  Then the kid starts yelling, "Mommy!  Wait! Come back for a minute.  Mommy...wait."  The mother returns to her and says to the child, "Come on.  You don't know how to act."  Again, the child goes into another frenzy. 

I wanted to call the police -- on the child.

What happened to the good old days when mother said to you before you left the house,  "If I have to say one word to you while we're in the store, that's your behind?"  That's what my mother used to say.  And God forbid you didn't follow the rules.  She gave us a stern look and said, "When we get home, I'm gonna whip you 'till I get tired."

Yep, she meant it too.  Because I knew Laura Mae wasn't playing, I was never able to get away with embarrassing her or the Wilson name in public.

But the whole situation turned funny.  I was standing beside another mother and her son.  She looks at him and says, "Boy, if you ever act like that with me, they'll have to call the Po Po on me."  Poor kid looked at his mother and said, "No ma'am, you taught me better."  I had to laugh because this well-mannered kid received his mother's scorn because of someone else.

I wanted to give the woman with the hysterical child something that would help her.  If I could, I would have said, "Hey, my mother is still living.  Why don't you send her to visit Laura Mae.  You won't have this problem again."

Thankful Friend

I've heard old folks say, "Don't wait until I'm dead to lay flowers at my feet."  Some of you may have heard it another way.  It really doesn't matter how it's said, what matters is letting your friend(s) know that you love them and appreciate them.  I have two best friends and I just wanted to show them some love.

Annette, it was almost 20 years ago that you nearly ran me off the road.  I saw you at work and said, "Hey, are you the lady that drives that Honda."  You nodded and asked, "Yeah, why?"  I laughed and said, "Girl, you nearly ran me off the road."

Since that day we have been friends.  You allowed me to share in the most important moments of your life.  I'll never forget the day you gave birth.  I reached my hand out to you each time I saw the monitor jolt off the chart, signaling another contraction was coming.  "Here boy, I said.  Squeeze my hand.  Here comes another one." 

"Shut up Thang.  I don't need you to tell me about contractions.  I feel 'em," you hissed :-)  The most important thing you've ever said to me is, "Thang, you can do it."

I love you so much.

Nancy, the year was 1999 and we stood with our black skirts, white gloves and our left arm behind our backs.  "Smile ladies and let folks see the Love of God on your faces," our head usher said.  We did, but we also silently moaned about our aching feet and some of the nasty folks we encountered while ushering.

I remember a moment when I had a bad lapse in judgment and instead of you insisting on me seeking psychiatric help, you let me bend your ear everyday, for months and months and months, until I snapped out of it.  You've also allowed me to be a part of the most important moments of your life.  Since you don't have an older sister, my favorite words to you are, "I'm gonna beat you."  or "I'm the big sister." 

I think the most important thing you said to me is, "Did God really tell you that?" 

I love you so much.

If you'd like to remember your friends, post a comment below.

Update on the Weight Loss Challenge

Well, we're into week #2 of the Challenge.  Lots of progress has been made.  Here are the numbers.  This week, we'll hear from Terri, who has lost 8 lbs in two weeks.  Good on you, girl!!!

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I am very excited about the 20lb Weight Loss challenge. For many years I have been having problems keeping my weight where I am most comfortable. It would go up and down, up and down.

Last year I turned 40 and that's when everything changed. Losing weight was harder for me. Motivating myself to exercise was even harder. I just couldn't get it together. Now, I've teamed up with a group of women who are willing to come together and encourage one another to stay focused and eat better and exercise more,

I have been able to lose the pounds. One thing I continue to tell myself is I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I have been eating more veggies, fruit and drinking plenty of water. I take the stairs at work instead of the elevator. Please note, that is something really hard for me. But I'm getting better and better each week. To all, I encourage you to stick to what is best for you and know that no matter what, you will reach whatever your goal is as long as you stay focused and not think of it has a task.  Make it fun.

Name	Terri	Lynda	Shaina	Lexi
Start Date: 6/29	177	201	207	187
2nd Week 7/13	169	198	201	179

Name	Nancy	Mel	Angela	Craig
Start Date: 6/29	141	148	201	187
2nd Week 7/13	139	141	195	186

Name	Caroline	Sandy (New)
Start Date: 6/29	171	215
2nd Week 7/13	169	215

Stop Chasing and Just Rest

For the past month, I've had conversations with people who are busy looking for the next best thing to fulfill something in their lives.  Don't get me wrong, It's always good to set goals and work toward them, but if one is always trying to achieve the next best thing, I wonder do they know what they're really seeking.   

There seems to be an unquenchable thirst for things, status, money, position.  But can these things really fulfill the cry of the soul?  When one is always chasing after their goals to a point where they've become miserable, ask if there's something deeper.  Psalm 42:1 sums it up.  "As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God."

Um hm, that's it in a nutshell.  The soul is seeking something to give it rest and satisfaction.

In Confessions by St. Augustine, I'm reminded of something he wrote.   "Lord, you made us for yourself, and we can never know rest until we rest in thee."

I wonder if we really took the time to rest in God and allow ourselves to be ministered to by His Holy Spirit, what  will we find?  I'd venture to say that  we'd find that we're able to rest in His peace, joy, love.  Jesus lived and died and rose again so that we can have life more abundantly. 

 

She Ain't Havin' It!

This isn't really a complaint.  I'm just poking fun at my editor.  Back in January, she graciously accepted the job of editing The Redemption of Sadie Burrell -- my neverending WIP.  She, like a true professional, set up a schedule.  "We'll do this in phases.  Phase one is due to me by March 21st."  She meant 2008.

"Okay," I replied.  I was excited about her being an honest and open critter.   BTW, I highly recommend her.

Anyway, life happened.  I had to go to S.C. on emergency to take care of my mom.  Okay, yeah I had my laptop, but...but...I spent most of my free time researching some of our family and S.C. history to give Sadie a more authentic feel.  You know what I mean.  And then I had to come back and re-acclimate to my own life, and then there's work, and then Alex and the Lamb was released, and then there's housework,. Scratch that part.

Yes, we've been in contact off and on about my progress or lack thereof.  But today, I just opened my emails and there it was.  Nope, it wasn't the usual friendly "I'm just checking on you, girl" email. 

Um mmmmm.  It was the whip cracking.  Ol' girl ain't havin' it no more. 

The message started out with "Ms. Wilson" - a bad sign for sure.   She's gonna put me on a real schedule.  This means I'll have to be disciplined.  This means no more excuses about writer's block, amnesia, brain damage, etc. 

She Ain't Havin' It!   

Our First Weigh-In

It's been a week since we've challenged ourselves to lose 20lbs.   Mel who weighed in at 148 lost 6 lbs last week.  Good on you, girl!  Each week, you'll hear of our progress.  We're starting with Angela.

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Name	Terri	Lynda	Shaina	Lexi
Start Date: 6/29	174	201	207	179
First Weigh-In	172	199	204	181

Name	Nancy	Mel	Angela	Craig
Start Date: 6/29	141	148	201	187
First Weigh-In	139	142	199	184

Name	Caroline	Sandy (New)
Start Date: 6/29	171	215
First Weigh-In	169	215

I’m Angela:

It was a year or so ago that I ran into someone that I haven’t seen in a while, maybe 10-15 years. She essentially looked the same even though she recently had a baby. She didn’t even recognize me. She apologized and stated, “You look so different”.  So, here I am challenging myself to lose 40lbs.

In the past 6 years, I’ve gained approximately 55 pounds. Marriage, work and bills can take their toll on your weight.  I can’t say that I ate a lot, but I was under a lot of stress and didn’t exercise much. Stress, and lack of exercise can really add the extra pounds. The 40lb loss will take me back to my wedding weight.

My reason for taking on this challenge is that I don’t look the same and I feel that I look older than I am. As a Christian, I believe that the Holy Spirit lives in me, it is important for me to keep a well maintained home.  God’s Holy Spirit doesn’t deserve some shabby shack in disrepair. How can I say that my life glorifies God, if I won’t even make an effort to maintain my body? That’s something to think about. Second, I realize that the additional weight can bring on many health issues, such as: diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol. I certainly don’t want add those to my life.

The plan I’ve chosen consists of:

- Keeping a food journal

- Drinking extra water

- Eating more fruits/vegetables

- Exercising daily (walking, jogging)

- Conferring with my accountability partner, Terri.

Now, we’ve just finished week one of the challenge and I lost 3 lbs pounds. I was on track to lose more, but I did not follow my plan over the weekend. That won’t happen again.

Have a productive week. God Bless.

Thank You Jesus For The Reminder

I awoke earlier than usual this Sunday morning and started my daily routine of whispering good morning to Jesus; sitting on the side of the bed like Annie Lee's Blue Monday piece, and heading downstairs for quiet time.  But instead of sitting quiet, I turned on the TV and switched to channel 371 (Direct TV).  There in front of me was Dr. David Jeremiah, one of my favorite TV pastors. 

His powerful sermon was something that I enjoyed being reminded of.  Grace - That wonderful unmerited favor of God - giving what we don't deserve.  Then he further went on to talk about Mercy - withholding from us what we do deserve.

He went on to list several examples of both.  I'm paraphrasing so please forgive me.
- Mercy withheld the knife from Isaac's heart.  Grace provided a ram in the thicket. (Gen. 22:1-14)
- Mercy saw a man on the side of the road and bound up his wounds.  Grace paid the bill. (Luke 10:25-37)
- Mercy forgave and received the  Prodigal Son.  Grace threw him a party. (Luke 15:11-32)

At any rate, I was reminded of the things that I deserved and the things I didn't deserve.  But Thanks Be To God for Grace and Mercy.

My WIP - The Redemption of Sadie Burrell

It was early September that I started my Work in Progress, The Redemption of Sadie Burrell.  Agents have expressed interest, so I've hired an editor to help me get it publication ready.  My editor, whom I love, has given me a very thorough critique and is waiting for my final revisions.  Once in hand, she'll take her red pen  to it again, and then again, and then again until it's ready to be marketed.  Did I imply that it'll have to be revised?

I haven't shown her my new beginning yet, but here it is.  Let me know what you think, please.

It's set in the rural South.  Time period is 1930s.  Oh, it's copyrighted.

Chapter 1 - 1931

She walked through the corridors with her shoulders squared and her head held high. Humiliation would not allow her to acknowledge the sympathetic or haughty stares of her college mates. She had already been labeled poor-black-trash, but she’d prove them wrong.

Every since word came from her papa that he was coming to fetch her, she shielded herself with an armor of indifference.

“That’s what happens when they let poor-black trash in here.” The refined voice of Nella James filtered through the wall of on-lookers.

Sadie saw no need to defend herself against the stinging words. She told herself that she was just as good. No, her papa wasn’t a prominent colored citizen of his home state, but neither were most of the girls at Elizabeth City College. They’d made their way to a higher-learning status only because their fathers scraped, begged and buck-danced just like her papa. 

“Sadie, I’m going to miss you,” Marietta Clemson, her roommate said; sniffling with each step they took.

Sadie’s lips curved into a half-hearted smile. She wanted to embrace her old friend and tell her that they’d keep in touch, but it was a lie. She gave Marietta a quick nod and left behind her unfinished dream.

Either the brazen April wind or her own emotions made tears well in her eyes. She composed herself. “Sadie Louise Reynolds, just gather yourself. This is just a minor set back.”

“Sadie!” Mrs. Halbum called.

When she gazed in the woman’s direction, her heart fluttered. She remembered the countless hours she studied under Sarah Halbum.

Mrs. Halbum’s short, thin frame fought to remain balanced against the strong wind. Her sandy blond hair whipped against her freckled face. “Sadie, I’m glad you haven’t left yet.”  She paused, swiped a strand of hair from her face and said, “Well, I guess this is goodbye.”

“I know ma’am,” Sadie gulped as a clump of emotions threatened to surface.

“It’ll be alright Sadie, you’ll finish.” Mrs. Halbum paused, and looked at the open fields ahead of her. “The first in your family to go college, huh? That’s something you should be very proud of.”

“You mean the first to never finish college,” Sadie replied sarcastically. “I’m sorry. It’s just that all my life I was told that I was different and better.”

Mrs. Halbum reached for her hand. Her grayish-blue eyes held more sympathy than a white woman was supposed to show to a colored. “And Sadie, you are. Just hold on to that. It’s not over.”

“It is over. Do you know what’s waiting for me when I get back home? Nothing but a life I’ve always hated since I can remember. As a white woman, you never had to face what us blacks face.”

“I know Sadie. I’m not from here, but I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”

“That’s not the same as being called a nigger, coon, porch monkey.  My papa told me that education was the only thing blacks could gain that would give them self-respect. Now, he’s taking it away from me.”

“Sadie, no one can ever take your self-respect.”

Sadie folded her arms and stared incredulously at Ms. Halbum. “Really? Have you ever had to dodge between bushes and fields because a car load of white men want to have a little bit of fun with you?”

Mrs. Halbum shook her head.

“What about having to use separate facilities because your pee is supposed to contaminate a whole society or having your money thrown at you like some dog. No, Mrs. Halbum I don’t think you really know what it’s like not to have any self-respect.”

“I can always send you a lesson plan. I’m sure you’ll find time to work on it.”

“Mrs. Halbum, if my papa can’t afford to send me to school, he’s got one plan for me: Marriage. Girls my age don’t sit around the house wasting their time on frivolous things like reading and writing. They keep house. They’re married by the time they’re fifteen and sixteen. By the time they’re eighteen, they’ve already had two children and expecting more.”

Mrs. Holbum nodded her compassion.

A wave of frustration began to rush through Sadie. She began to share more.  “My grandmother is a former slave. She can’t read or write. Neither can my parents. They raised me differently -- wanted me to get an education. My primary school teacher used to read me stories, and I’d become the characters. Elinor or Marianne in Sense and Sensibility; or Lydia in Pride and Prejudice. I just don’t know what happened that papa can’t afford my schooling anymore.”

Sadie saw the black Ford pick up truck turn onto the lane. A cloud of dust followed behind. She inhaled deeply, grabbed her overloaded suitcase, and walked down the stairs. Again, she squared her shoulders, and muttered a final goodbye. “My papa’s here. Thank you for everything Mrs. Halbum. It’s best that you go on in and forget about me.”